Demented musings of a teenager

Technology hates me

2010-06-07T19:22:00.002+01:00

and, honestly, I don't blame it. I mean, what do I expect with it? For it to work when I shell out a few hundred euro to fix it? God, the thoughts!

I've done a lot over the last while, and I've created two new blogs, both for things which I talk about/think about a lot, and hopefully people will understand it...and guess what, their titles are awesome! (joke, I promise. I'm not THAT conceited)

I've got a political one...*shudder* at Political Musings of a Teenager, and I've a sports one Sporting Musings of a Teenager.

There's a lot of new stuff going on, and I'll have a proper blog update later/tomorrow/soon

Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen

2010-03-26T11:24:00.001Z

I'm going to Copenhagen! I was chosen to represent Ireland in the European Youth Parliament in Copenhagen, next month. I can't believe it!

This is going to be amazing. Now, this is REALLY REALLY REALLY short, cause I've to be in school at 1:10, and it's a bit after 11. XD

2010-03-24T21:22:00.001Z

First post in almost 20 days, and it's a moaner. Feel free to walk away.

I HATE MY FAMILY!

Correction, I love them. I do. But when there's been an argument, and two of us have plotted to do something, and only I get in trouble I get pissed off. My example? My brother's begged and pleaded with me to not make him do his spellings. And I'm a softy who says yes. So today, when he was convincing my dad to let him do his spellings the cheat way, I refused and told dad everything,

Now I'm grounded.

Fire

2010-03-07T20:21:00.002Z

I've always hoped that I would never end up with a catastrophe happening to my family, but that died today.

I went to Cavan this weekend, to the Cavan Centre. It was an amazing weekend, and I had loads of fun. I really did. But when mam picked me up, I could tell something was wrong. We weren't in the car five minutes before she told me.

The shop burned down.

When I say burned down, I don't mean literally. In fact, it's still standing, mostly. But there's a lot of smoke damage, puddles from where the firemen did their stuff, melted plastic, warped glass, and broken glass from where they had to break the glass to stop it exploding onto the street.

The neighbours have been amazing, I can't fault them for that. They did everything they should, and more. It's been brilliant, but I can't get my head around it. That place has been such a huge part of my life for 2 years, 4 months...and it's gone.

Just gone.

Granda, I miss you

2010-02-24T23:49:00.002Z

Today was hard on me. I went up to Mary again, who told me about the night my granda died. It's been almost four years, but I'm still not over it. I don't think I ever will be.

I sound like such a fool, but I keep getting reminders of him. I should expect that, but today I was assigned to rooms 23 - 25. He was in 25.

I miss him a lot more than many people would realise. An awful lot more. Despite the fact he didn't remember us that much, he was still my granda, and he was always there for me.

Enough melancholy. Yesterday I was assigned to a woman, Rita. She's been in the home for two weeks, but is depressed. I spent a few minutes with her, and she ended up coming out of her room and spending time with everyone else.

It's been a long day, with some pleasant and unpleasant memories.

Work Experience

2010-02-22T21:57:00.002Z

I'm back on work experience! I'm doing it at Shrewsbury House, which is where my grandad was before he died. I really like it there, it may not be hugely luxurious, but the staff are amazing, and it's a caring place.

I'm doing it there, simply because grandad was there. And, honestly? It hasn't changed a bit. There's loads of photos of me and my siblings up, because we were three of the few children who visited regularly. Our Sunday routine was going for dinner, then up to the nursing home for our weekly visit. It was one of the parts I loved, because we got on with everyone.

My grandad was very close with my a woman called Mary. She is a lovely woman, who'd always look after my grandad. She did the laundry there, and in return lived there. She was brilliant, she really was.

Now she's pretty sick. She always had kidney trouble, but now it's worse. She was on dialysis three times a week, but it's been reduced to two times a week. She broke her hip last summer, and she's deaf in her left ear. And she has lung cancer.

She smoked like a chimney, but she was one of the most caring people I ever met. And she's refusing treatment, because of her age.

Sorry!

2010-02-20T12:36:00.002Z

I got my laptop back today, so I finally have a chance to post!

Irish Blog award longlist has been announced today. Well done to Susan, who has been nominated in two categories!

Today, I'mma gonna outline my plans for the blog. I've been REALLY lax on posting lately, unfortunately, but that's going to change. I'm going to be posting every two days. It's my February resolution. Some posts will be random, others will be un-random. Wait and see XD

Not much today, more to make sure y'all are reading this!

Busy bee...

2010-02-01T22:17:00.003Z

Is what I've been!

I've had a terrible few weeks. I was 95% finished novel number one when my hard drive crashed. Fortunately, I backed it up before Christmas, but, unfortunately, I wrote about 45k since then, so I've lost in or around half my novel. Not good.

I've also got a fair few problems with my computer dying. I had microsoft office, but now it may be gone. Another hundred quid down the drain. And don't get me started on OpenOffice, I hate the thing.

See my problem?

Apart from computer crashing woes, there's been some good things in my life. I've gotten a heck of a lot better at guitar, and have been reading a lot. Torey Hayden's my new obsession, I love her stuff.

And to finish, a microfiction Monday, thanks to Susan at Stony River

"What do you mean, Anne?" Mrs Robinson asked her daughter, angrily

"I'm leaving, Mother, and there's not-" she was hushed by grinding metal.

You can find the rest over on Susan's blog.

Busy bee...

2010-02-01T22:17:00.001Z

Love

2010-01-10T15:10:00.004Z

(No getting mad for not updating, young scientist is taking it out of me)

What is Love? I'm not talking about the fairytale, where you have two people with an instantanious connection, where they fall for each other immediately, and there's a huge problem, but with quick thinking the prince saves the day, and they ride off into the sunset, happy as Larry.

I'm talking about the quivery feeling in your stomach, the feeling like just another day away from them will kill you, like there's nothing else that anyone can do. What if...what if you feel that way. And then it gets ripped away, and you're left seeing that person everyday - every hour in some cases.

I'm asking a philisophical question today, because I was listening to my copy of All We Know Is Falling by Paramore. As I usually do, I read the thank you notes that the band left. But I was struck by the thank you for Neil (from Hayley), and Nichole W. (from Josh).

It's been revealed that Hayley and Josh went out for three years, before they broke up. But I didn't realise just HOW MUCH they loved each other. The thank you to Neil (Josh's middle name, doncha know) reads "Neil - You inspire me and I love you, my prince". Then, Josh's thank you to Nichole W, (Hayley's middle name and last initial) reads "Nichole W. - experiencing this with you is the greatestgift. Thank you for being who you are. I love you. ("silence")".
This is so sweet, it's something that proves that they're in love, more than anything else, right?

But yet, I don't believe that, for some reason. The main reason is the lyrics from their latest album, off the song 'The Only Exception'. In the band, Hayley is the lyricist, while Josh writes a lot of the music. In it, Hayley sings 'That was the day that I promised/I'd never sing of love/If it does not exist/But darlin'/You are the only exception'

This song is about her current boyfriend, Chad Gilbert, of New Found Glory, about how she wasn't in love till she found her.

So then, what was it that made her feel that she was so in love with Josh? Youthful inexperience - she was only sixteen, after all. Or was it more? Was it the rush of first love, that initial fire you get?

This post may seem shallow, but I'm trying to battle a lot of feelings today, so I've got some stuff on my mind. Either way, it's something to think about. What does love mean, really?

Christmas

2009-12-27T20:15:00.002Z

was amazing!

I hadn't expected much this year, because of the banned word. Yeah, that's a lovely thing to think.

I got a guitar, which made me pretty damn happy. There's nothing else that is worth mentioning, except my diablo. Who would have thought that a piece of string, two sticks and an inverted cone would bring so much happiness? Not me, anyway.

In other news, I'm going back to Tullamore in a week. I can't wait, even though my parents are going to Boston for New Year. I'm very jealous of them!

Just a short blog, I'm calling my friend Caoimhe to arrange Tullamore!

Random post for TWLOHA

2009-12-22T20:58:00.003Z

To Write Love On Her Arms is a non profit that has helped me through a lot. They're running a competition to see if they can get $20,000, so I'm trying to raise awareness!

2009-12-22T19:45:00.002Z

I honestly hadn't intended it to be this long between posts, but with everything happening at the moment, I've not got any time at all!

It's currently the 22nd December, and I'm screwed for Christmas. I have NOTHING for my parents, or siblings. Guess who said that she wouldn't be in town battling her way through the crowds on Christmas Eve? Yes, this girl said that. She's VERY, VERY wrong. Darn it.

I have to be home early though, because we have a tradition in my house. At 4pm, all electronics (except mobiles) are switched off, and we pull out a bucket of popcorn and some Christmas movies. This year, we're starting late, but that's because Miracle On 34th Street is on TV3 at ten to six. We'll all sit and watch it, and this year I choose the second movie. We do one from parents and one from kids. I'm choosing The Nightmare Before Christmas, which has thrilled everyone except my little sister. Oh well, I can't please everyone.

It's been a weird two weeks, I'll give that. I've had to increase my anxiety medicine, so I'm now on a double dosage. I hate feeling so dependent on medication, but I know I need it. The advantage is at least I sleep SOME nights.

I had blood tests a week ago, and the results say that I possibly have an under active thyroid. Which means more blood tests, a visit to an endocrinologist (I spelt it right!!) and possibly a dietitian. (which I spelt wrong. Trust me.)

So much going on, so little time...and I leave with the theme tune of my month so far:

An essay...

2009-12-10T14:51:00.003Z

Is it possible to be so anti-racist that you are racist?

I ask this question because of one of the teachers in my school is very anti racism. Which is good. But even if a joke is made to one of the...what's the current politically correct term? Foreign Nationals? I'll use that.

Even if a joke is made to the student, she'll go mental. She actually just goes insane. You get yelled at, screamed abuse and anything else. I've seen kids get detention for asking where another student is originally from.

Is it possible to be so anti racism, that you're accidentally racist to your own race? I mean, if a black joke is made, she'll go mental, but if a white joke is made, she ignores it.

Well, is it?

My school...

2009-12-07T11:48:00.002Z

should really learn to block blogger. Or at least, block it when you're trying to blog. Because now I've spent my entire networking and computers class blogging. Boo hoo...technically it's teaching me the finer points of HTML. Or so I say, anyway.

The last week has been weird. Every time I go to blog, I've got nothing to blog about. I could talk about Paranormal Activity, or about staying at my nan's on Saturday, but I honestly think that anyone reading this would find it boring.

In short, I'm in a bit of a blogger's lull.

I didn't win NaNoWriMo. However, I won the Young Writer's Programme, which means that I win a free copy of my Novel. I'll wait till I finish it though.

I'll try blog later, when I'm not in so much of a lull...

Sixteen years...

2009-11-29T13:03:00.003Z

Yeah, sixteen years old. I don't understand it, to be honest. This time sixteen years ago, my mother had given birth to a very quiet five pound baby, and was waiting for the doctor to tell her I was dead. I had an AGPAR score of 2, and my lungs weren't fully formed (I was born at thirty weeks). In short, they thought it was a matter of time, they didn't think that I would last sixteen hours, let alone sixteen years. And now I'm here, typing this out on the train coming from Tullamore.

I remember going to school, and my mam sobbing. She later confided in me it wasn't because she was sad, but because she honestly never thought I'd get the chance to put on the navy blue uniform and walk in the door.

This time ten years ago, my mother was lying in a hospital bed, cuddling a baby boy, my brother Thomas. Yep, I'm one of those unfortunates who shares a birthday with a sibling. I don't mind, we're really close.

The point is, I never thought that I would be at this point in my life. Yes, I'm facing an up hill battle with bulimia, but I'll take it. I'm lucky, I survived. So today, I'll go iceskating at my brother's party, and look after the little kids. Because I honestly can't wait, I've got my chance at life, it'd be stupid to leave it behind.

I don't even want a doover on this week...

2009-11-27T11:38:00.000Z

Seriously, it's been bad. At least I'm out of the city today, off to Tullamore, to see my friend Caoimhe. I can't wait, I miss her.

So, my doctor has diagnosed me with early onset bulimia. Essentially, I binge but don't purge. I've got blood tests next month, and am on anti depressants to stop me killing myself. Yay.

I stayed up till half one this morning, doing my brother's project. That boy doesn't know how lucky he is, I didn't have anyone to type up a project for me when I was ten! He'd been given two weeks to get it done, and had nothing done. So I spent seven hours on the computer. Any wonder I'm so tired and am blogging during my French exam?

Belfast prices, and an essay on economics

2009-11-18T01:13:00.003Z

Yes, an essay on economics. It's the last sane thing you'll get from me till Friday, so put up :D

I was in Belfast today with my mam, to do Christmas shopping and for a girl's day out. Mam thought I needed it, and she was right. I've been so worried since last friday, I've not been enjoying myself. I've been barely living, and that's no way to be.

So, when I was there, we went shopping in ASDA for some Christmas stuff. We spent £600, but would have spent almost €1000 down here. As for New Look...I got hair dye, two tops and a coat for £56...it should have cost €95.

I honestly understand why people go to NI now to do their shopping. With bargains like that, who can blame them? I've already told my parents that I'm only shopping in New Look in Belfast. With the savings I made, they don't blame me.

It's not just that, it's the bitty things. Make up that costs €13 down here costs half that. My favourite (€30) make up, costs only £17 there.

There's some stuff that the difference isn't that much in, but my mam and I reckon that we saved about €600. Which is NOT bad going, by anyone's standards.

Hi, I'm Cíara...

2009-11-13T20:37:00.001Z

And I have an eating disorder.

To look at me, you wouldn't think it. I'm fifteen stone, and wear a size eighteen. But I do. I have binge eating disorder. People call Bulimia the hidden disorder, but it's a lot more out in the open. People don't even know that much about binge eating disorder. They just assume it's something fat people blame being fat on.

When I was ten, I was bullied. I was called fat, a slut, a bitch...every name under the sun, and then some. It's been a nightmare for me. I can honestly say that it's scarred me for life.

Then, of course, there's the fact that I shy away from my tormentors in the corridor in school. I physically shrink away every time they're near me. Which means that there's about twenty people I shy away from.

I was never a popular child. I was the freak kid you get in every class, the one who's obviously smarter, but the one that the education system still hasn't caught up on. The fact that until I was nine the school thought I was special needs (which I technically am, but they thought I needed an SNA) didn't help either.

The fact is, I was failed by a flawed education system which didn't see that one girl was basically ignored in her class. And now I'm paying a price. I hate my body, I want to die some days. I'm depressed, and insomniac.

According to the doctor I spoke with today, I'm depressed and in need of some help. I've got to break down walls with my emotions, and allow them all to come out. I've never done that before. I've never ever allowed myself to act how I feel.

I'm scared. But I have a new start.

GAH! It's been a week!

2009-11-02T01:05:00.002Z

I can't believe how long it's been! I've been meaning to post, but I've been crazy busy (hence posting at 1am).

I start work experience tomorrow! I'm in Joan Burton's office in the Dáil...should be good. I honestly can't wait, I love politics. And, of course, I'll be there during the NAMA debates...that'll be...interesting.

I've been busy cleaning all week. My damn house has been cleaned from top to bottom, and there's STILL more cleaning to be done.

I was watching most Haunted, too. I LOVE THAT SHOW. For some reason, I love it. Honestly, it's just insane, but I love it.

Anyway, this post is ALL OVER THE PLACE. I blame insomnia...

and I'm 1589 words into NaNoWriMo! Which means I'm 3% done!

Illness

2009-10-26T09:09:00.002Z

I haven't blogged in almost a week, I'm sorry! I've been pretty sick the last few days, which meant that I was mostly sleeping and tweeting. I could barely type, which is NOT a good thing for me.

But I'm better now :)

I've discovered one of my Christmas presents...an electric guitar! I can't wait for Christmas now, I want it so badly it's not even funny. Oh well...my birthday's still to come.

There was a reunion on Saturday for CTYI. I went, but ended up getting the train home at about four, I was too tired and sick. Then I crawled into bed, and slept for, oh, about 14 hours. Yeah.

Just a short post today, I'm still pretty tired.

Sorry

2009-10-22T23:03:00.003+01:00

My last post was lazy, I apologise. I was tired, but hyper (kinda like I am now, actually) while writing it.

Today was good. I went to school, got off at eleven for the sixth year parent teacher meeting (Yay!). Little homework plus tired Cíara equals happy Cíara. Basic formula.

I'm trying to upload some videos to youtube from Greenday, so we'll see how that goes *hopes it'll go well*. One thing I've learned though, is to know EVERY song. Because it was so embarrassing for the girl onstage when she didn't know the words to longview.

Oh well...this isn't a long post, but I'm sleepy and need a good night's rest. I was going to do a flash fiction, but I'm too tired.

Sorry

2009-10-22T23:03:00.001+01:00

Green Day = WIN

2009-10-21T23:46:00.000+01:00

They do. I saw them in Dublin, it was AMAZING. I'm now the proud owner of a wrist band and shirt. The lashing rain and wind was worth it in the end, because they were AWESOME!

Wrock 4 equality!

2009-10-16T17:03:00.004+01:00

Yup, equality. And there's going to be some wrock-ing out for equality!

So, a brief description: Wrock, or Wizard Rock, is music based on the Harry Potter books. Some of the better known bands are Harry and the Potters and Draco and the Malfoys

Both of these bands will be at the Wrock4Equality concert and day of activism in Portland, Maine, on October 24. The concert will start at 10.30am, EST, and be streamed on Livestream here (That's 3.30pm, GMT) After the concert, the activism will begin with a day of knocking on doors and phoning up people. Each thing done will count towards the house points total, for the house cup. At 5.30pm EST (10.30 GMT), there will be another live ustream, and the house cup winner will be announced!

Interested? All the official details will be given out on a ustream call at THREE PM EST (8pm GMT) I've bolded that because calls are usually at eight pm EST. This time it's nice to me, and our special guest from the films...MISS EVANNA LYNCH!

So, if you're interested, I'll see you at the above ustream link at 8pm GMT on Sunday :) I'll be a mod, and my ustream name is ciaramolloy. Say hi! :D

Poetry...

2009-10-15T21:46:00.002+01:00

sucks. Most of the time, it's good. But when you've got to learn 'An Irish Airman Forsees his Death' in a day, there's a problem.

So, what happened today? Well...

I went collecting in Town for Temple Street Children's Hospital. Juxhin and I got yelled at, kicked out of a shopping centre, shouted at by a beggar, and cried repeatedly.

One man gave us €20. Temple Street saved his daughter's life, and he wanted to give them a little bit, considering they gave him so much. Another woman lost her daughter, and wanted to help other mothers in that situation. She gave €15.

The generosity of people is so amazing. THANK YOU to everyone who helped out :D

Divorce...

2009-10-13T21:53:00.002+01:00

No, not a moan about my parents getting divorced. Because they aren't. Promise.

My problem is my estranged godmother.

Ok, so from the start: Today my friend Anne (not her real name) told me that her mother had walked out on her on Thursday night. She's been hiding it from everyone she knows because she's too afraid to tell anyone in case they pity her.

I told my mam, because she explained that her mam had stolen over £4,000 on her (which was supposed to be for her college fees this term). So she's on financial aid starting Christmas.

My mam explained about my aunt and uncle's nasty divorce. My uncle had a barring order placed on him, because she said (and I quote): "On Thursday, the XX of X, 19XX, at XX:XXpm Ron (not his real name) looked in the window at our eldest daughter, Emma (her real name), while she was in the shower.

At the time, Ron was in the car with my mother and uncle, talking about how his marriage was in trouble, and he didn't know what to do. They spoke for over an hour. Mam and uncle both stood up at the legal separation hearing to say this. They got separated, and the barring order was lifted.

That year, my mam's family didn't buy Emma a Christmas present, with good reason. She lied about my uncle MOLESTING her. So, in retaliation, Sharon (not her real name) took the presents that Tom, Ellen and Peter (fake names) got off that side of the family - out of their hands - and binned them. Tom was 11, Ellen was 8 and Peter was only 5. Who does that to a child?

Even now, when Tom's 24, Ellen's 21 and Peter's 17, she's still doing it. Ellen's 18th birthday three years ago, she got €350 off my grandmother and two of our uncles. Her mother took it off her - to pay for the Gaeltacht. Which she had gone to age 16.

I haven't seen my godmother in 14 years. Correction - I see her every fucking day I'm in work, because she lives opposite work. She even comes in, but she doesn't even look at me, even if I'm on the till.

My last present off her, I was two. She got me a cheap bracelet that she picked up in Penneys. I still have it.

It scares me that she's effectively disowned me. If anything happens to my parents, their will states: "If our children are minors, they shall be cared for by whichever godparent is better able to.". My godfather has two babies, and is struggling in the recession. If anything happens to them, I'll either live with my elderly grandmother, or go into care. Because I KNOW that she won't come to find me.

She didn't even go to my grandfather's funeral. And she was the one he remembered out of all the grandkids.

Stephen Gately

2009-10-11T14:25:00.001+01:00

RIP

Library computers

2009-10-09T13:30:00.002+01:00

Are very slow! And it's on broadband, which surprises me.

Yes, I'm in the library at 1.35 in the afternoon. On a far bigger keyboard than normal, which scares me a little. (damn laptop and the tiny keyboard)

Today I was bagpacking. My friend's mam is going to South Africa to help out with the Niall Mellon Township Trust. We were there for 3 hours, in Marks in Blanch. Fun times! (not)

NaNoWriMo is starting now! I can't wait, it'll be so much fun. I have a half formed idea in my mind, but I'm still fleshing it out. It'll be interesting, that's for sure.

I had a reason to be on this computer - I've a school project on Scientology to do. It's convinced me that it's a cult though. It really does. I mean, what other religion has a section called "Scientology Successes" on their website? *shudder*

Now, I've got 2 minutes left, so I better start copying and pasting!

Soo...

2009-09-30T21:54:00.002+01:00

I was in Waterford last weekend, for the Bohs match. On Friday, I'm going to Tallaght for the Bohs match. Guess how much of my life revolves around that football team?

In the Metro newspaper a few weeks ago, it said that football fans, on average, spend 15 hours a week following their team. That's between looking up stats on the internet, watching matches, buying merchandise, travelling to matches, etc. Well, I probably beat that.

I probably spent double that this week. I bought my jersey (last pink one, don't ya know), spent the weekend in Waterford, surfed the forums, and watched (listened to last night's match) the matches.

And I had a point with this, but now I lost it...damn.

2009-09-23T16:26:00.002+01:00

Ugh! I've been writing out a blog post that's taking forever, so I thought I'd do an update with randomness before I tackle the HTML again *shudder*.

My little brother's been diagnosed with Dyspraxia. Basically, he finds it difficult to write, and there's a reason for it. Dyslexics have trouble with reading, Dyspraxics have trouble with writing. He's been having trouble for a while, but just didn't want to tell us, he was afraid he was slow.

I feel for him, and I hate him thinking that he needed to keep it a secret so we wouldn't get angry at him.

Now, I'm off to go finish this interview!

I wonder...

2009-09-21T22:34:00.002+01:00

I've been in a pensive mood lately. It's been weird, I've been trying to sort out my life (easier said than done, I assure you), and trying to get everything done. It's been weird. But in a good way.

Twitter has taken over my life. I've reached over 6,000 tweets and show no signs of stopping. It's weird, because honestly, I hated twitter when I first got it. I didn't understand it. Now I do, and I'm tweeting far more than ever before. It's kind of weird.

Now, I've got something that is near and dear to my heart, and it has helped my family while my granda Dooley was alive. The Irish Carers Association is currently fundraising to be able to continue functioning throughout the 'recession' we are currently in. (My 9 year old brother knows the word recession. I didn't know it when I was 9, and I read the papers!)

The CA helped my family so much, simply by giving my nana an hour a week off. That's all she asked for, to be able to go to the shops by herself, without worrying about Granda following her, or getting into trouble, or trying to get back to his childhood home. (he suffered from dementia)

My school is doing fundraising for them, and I'll be bag packing in Tesco Roselawn this Thursday, from 3-6pm. Come along, get some shopping, and donate. If you see me (5'4, blonde growing out highlights and pink glasses) and say hi, I'll match your donation (up to €5, I'm not rich!)

Tiredness...

2009-09-20T01:23:00.002+01:00

It's that time of night again. It's after 1am, and you're tired, but the insomnia has the sleep just *that* much away. It's too late to pirate the music you want, and it's too late to learn random guitar songs...not that I do, or anything.

What do you do?

Well, I currently have three windows open on my computer; MSN, Tweetdeck and Google Chrome. Why?

MSN: obvious reasons. So I can talk to people who have the same issue, or are in a different timezone to me (lucky fuckers).

Tweetdeck: Well, I tweet. A lot. Twitter is one of my best friends. It'd be funny if it wasn't so sad. I generally tweet about random stuff. My life, insomnia, the usual. It's like a condensed blog, and I actually update it regularly!

Google Chrome: This can be split into 3 options. I've got facebook up, My HPA email (I'm a staffer on the common room, don't ya know! And, of course, this blog window is open too.

I'm in a pensive mood tonight. I want to write something, but I'm afraid that whatever I write will be too maudlin for this blog. I try to keep it lighthearted, and talk out problems with my friends, or on the secret blog I have especially for that.

Eh, this is what's called me being too maudlin. So, with that, I leave you with a lovely song by Paramore, called 'Ignorance'.

Eircom, you are fail.

2009-09-01T00:05:00.002+01:00

They are. I've been left without internet until today. Feck them anyway!

So...what's been happening in my life? I promised a big post, and a big post you will get.

1) JUNIOR CERT! It was hell. Fer serious. My first break was the morning before Home Ec...which was my last exam, on the second Friday. At least it's done, but I still hate it! Results come out next week, I'm waiting anxiously for them

2)CTYI. What to say about it? Well...my class was cancelled, all ten of us decided that we wanted to leave. So I moved to Japanese, along with Ruadhan and Eilis. It was fun, and I can now speak Japanese. So it's all good. I had my first real heartbreak (I broke up with Mr. Cíara in April, doncha know?), my first tears shed over a boy, my first dance, and sang American Pie very loudly. And did the soulja boy dance. I believe it's on youtube somewhere, but I'm not sure!

3) I started working. Nothing like slaving away in a launderette, cleaning random clothes, and underwear that you'd much rather NEVER touch. There's nothing like it!

4) I met some amazing people this summer. I fell in love, hard, and was brought back down to earth with a crash. I discovered my real friends, and my not-so-real friends. I discovered a lot about people, and about how even the people you think are 'loyal friends' can stab you in the back.

And most importantly, number 5:

I grew up.

Everyone says you have a summer in your life when you discover a lot about the world. This summer was my one. Now, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to discover the rest of me in TY. And this blog is coming along for the ride with me!

What...a blog? From me?

2009-08-23T00:17:00.002+01:00

I know! Your eyes must be deceiving you! But they're not, I've just been amazingly busy right now. Summer is no rest for the wicked, let me tell you!

Mostly, I've been travelling around the country. I've been in Tullamore a few times, I was in Athlone, I've been in Waterford as well. It's just been go go go, and I haven't had a moment to myself, as can be seen by the fact that I'm writing this after midnight!

So, quick recap before I do a proper post soon enough.

I've been busy.

Harry Potter was win.

I've got a newfound respect for a lot of people.

Giovanni Trappatoni is a bigot against League of Ireland football

I'm now working on a piece of original fiction.

All square?

Damn, it's been a while...

2009-06-22T19:05:00.001+01:00

Damn school! Although on the plus side, I can announce my new projects :)

I'm a host on the podcast Fan Fiction's Our Dirty Little Secret, and I moderate a blog called Teen Fic Kicks

I'll post a big long post telling you about the Junior Cert in a bit,
Cíara

googleab268ed8fc5f5433

2009-04-08T18:54:00.001+01:00

A random post so that Google can verify my blog. I'll post more later!

More random complaints

2009-04-06T10:45:00.002+01:00

Blanchardstown Library is calling my name...
"Ciara! Ciara! Come, join me and make yourself hate everything due to abnormal amounts of homework!"
It's working too. I know that the JC is important, heck, I'm the first to admit that it is! But it's the EASTER HOLIDAYS. You know, when you're supposed to be able to relax? As if. But it's peeving my cheddar, quite a lot. I haven't been able to write in I don't know how long, and I really want to. Heck, I've 3 ideas that I can't start until after June. I'm giving up CTYI this year for it, which makes me feel like total CRAP. Grr...
I really, really, really, REALLY hate it. Eleven subjects, at least one paper in each. One in French, Religion, History, Geography, Home Ec, Science and CSPE. Two in English, Irish, Maths and Business. ARGH.
Life sucks at the moment.
But on a positive not, I'm taking part in the Support Stacie author auction! It ends at 3am GMT (9pm CST), and I'm currently on $45. Thanks to my loverly girl, and my beta-ee, Xochitl, for bidding for me (I LOVE YOU!)

FIVE HOURS OF ENGLISH HOMEWORK???

2009-04-04T09:34:00.002+01:00

Yes...FIVE HOURS OF ENGLISH. Five hours of waxing lyrical about poetry, drama and fiction. Not to mention the essay question (Bane of my life!!) which kills me. GAH!

In other news, lil sis is gone down to Cork for the St. John competitions, go her! (And can they keep her there, please??) God knows we need a little bit of luck against Corkonians, I mean, with the bohs result last night (1-0 to Cork). Brutal ref though.

I've been writing a lot recently, and trying to figure out how the heck to work this thing. Think I'm succeeding. I've written so much lately, it's unreal. Most of it was utter crap, but some of it was salvagable. Yay! I'm thinking about pulling a story I've been writing online, and fixing it into an original fiction. The author, Morgan Kearns, did that with her first novel, Fade To Black, which should be out in the autumn. And I know how it ends! Do you wanna know, do you? Not telling! But she's great, you should buy it. Not sure of the availibility over here though, but Borders would easily order it in for you.

In other news, the Twilight DVD is out now! I'm getting my copy shipped from the US, but I don't know when it'll get here. I may end up with two! :) oh well...

This is an epic post for me, so I'll leave it here. I must shower and get myself to the library *groan*

Post soon!

Why the JC sucks

2009-04-03T00:44:00.003+01:00

I fail epicly at the JC. Because I suck at it. And I failed English, despite being
asked by an English professor to sit in on a lecture. Apparently I'm too good at
English, which is weird...hmm.

In other news, I've been amazingly busy. My home ec exam is over, it's only theory left, which is easy enough. My Science practical stuff is almost done, I only need a little longer to do it. I should have it done next week. I've also got most of my Religion project and CSPE booklet filled out. Although my religion teacher hates me with a burning passion.

I've found a really cool cookery blog, called Vanilla Garlic ~( http://vanillagarlic.blogspot.com ) that's full of great recipes. I love it!

It's now almost 1am, I've to get up in 5 hours, GOOD NIGHT!!!

OMFG It's been forever!

2009-04-01T19:26:00.000+01:00

Seriously, I suck at blogging. In my defence, it's been a crazy few months. But I digress. I'm sorry!
In other news, I now own a square of a twilight poster.

That's my square. Yeah. I'll post a big long blog later, PROMISE!

I saw it! Yeah yeah

2008-12-22T17:31:00.000Z

So, last Friday, (I know I'm crap at updating this month, forgive me.) I went to see Twilight the movie. I'm in love with Jackson Rathbone (Jasper) he's amazing! I'm officially team Jasper, I don't even need fanfic to make me feel this way.
Jasper = Twilight God.
So yeah, the film was great, I really enjoyed it.
I've bought all my Christmas presents, so that's one weight off my mind coming up to the holidays. Fortunately, anyways.
Happy Holidays!

Bah, Humbug

2008-12-18T16:31:00.000Z

Happy Christmas everyone, it's unlikely I'll be online again, so in the Christmas spirit, I'm saying Happy Christmas.
Twilight is out here tomorrow, and I know I'll see it at least twice. I can't wait! I'm going with a group of friends, and we're all allowing ourselves to squeal like fan girls just once at Rob Pattinson. Can you blame us? He's gorgeous! I feel sorry for our male friend who let himself get dragged in. But he likes the books, and even reads fan fiction.
I'm supposed to be writing the next chapter of It's Been 98 Years, but blogging is so much easier to do when writers block hits. I'm waiting on my next chapter back from my amazing Beta, (Go read 'Not Her' by Heavens Immortal. Go!) Heavens Immortal, so I'm alright. But I've to have a fresh chapter ready by Saturday, it usually takes about a week for her to get it back to me, and I try to update on Saturdays. Hehe.
So, if I can, I'll write a review of Twilight, but I'm not making boy promises!

A Christmas Gift

2008-12-16T19:08:00.001Z

Yeah, I'm not that great at rhyming. I just can't. Period. Although I can try my hand at a limerick, but it probably won't be any good. I'd be willing to bet it'd be terrible, actually! But here it goes.
My siblings have gone to Childline,
I'm stuck in a room that is mine,
I'm cleaning the mess,
But it's not getting any less,
Oh, how I wish I was nine!
I told you so.
But the season of giving is upon us once again, so I'm asking, will everyone do a good deed this christmas? Whether it be helping out, cooking dinner, or updating fics (actually, I should do that one!)
just do something, you'll be amazed what can happen!

A Christmas Gift

2008-12-16T19:01:00.000Z

Why did I do this again?...

2008-12-15T16:37:00.001Z

Study, I'm talking about. I pretty much waste six hours a week where I get nothing done and pretend to work on my homework. I paid (out of my own pocket!) €125 for six hours a week until Christmas.
I worked the first week, now I just can't be bothered to. I'm just so bored here. And I get chips thrown in my hair. I come out smelling like salt and vinegar.
In other random news, I'm going to the cinema on Friday with loads of my friends. Why? Well, Susan, can you guess? I'll let her guess, find out why in the comments. Just have to ask mammy if she'll book tickets for all my friends. We can arrange lifts no problem, but it's hard to get tickets, everyone wants to go. So I'll ask tonight, then everyone gives me the money on tomorrow if she can. Easy, I hope!

Cough, snuffle, sneeze

2008-12-14T03:15:00.001Z

It's that time of year again. The time where we all have colds and flu. Except, I generally never get them. Seriously. It's a bad year for me if I'm out with illness for a day. But I've already been out of school three days this year, and I can't really afford to miss another day with my Junior this year.
I've got some kind of cold/flu hybrid thing that's giving me a cough, a temperature, a very bad mood and the snuffles. Not forgetting my old friend insomnia has come again on an extended visit.
Twilighted is back up and running though, which is good. I love that site far too much to be healthy. I just got the email saying that the upgradest have been completed, and if my head wasn't so sore, I'd be cheering. I'm such a moaning myrtle today, aren't I? Still, I'm not as much of a moaner as Rosalie Hale, am I? Lol.

I hate insomnia.

2008-12-12T21:37:00.000Z

Has insomnia been diagnosed as an official illness? I ask because I'm exhausted, I didn't sleep last night. Mr. Cíara made me come home, saying I was too tired to be out. I love that guy a lot! But I feel so guilty now, I made him bail on his birthday plans. Still, I'm treating him next week and there's nothing he can do about it!
Twilighted.net has closed down for the night, I'm lost without it. It's like my spiritual home, but they've to move it to a bigger server because it was taking up too much space on the other one. Still, tonight'll be weird, not being online. It'd want to be up and running by tomorrow morning though, or I'll be in hysterics. I can't even go to the back up site, because you've to be over 18, and I'm...well...not.
That's all for now, I MUST SLEEP!

Christmas is coming...

2008-12-11T20:35:00.003Z

I swear to God, I've found the funniest parody of a Christmas song ever. Because I'm to lazy to copy and paste the lyrics, I'm just going to say that you should all go onto Youtube and look up 'achmed the dead terrorist' because it is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
In other news, it's two weeks till Christmas. I've been helping Mammy make the list of things to get me, but what I want, she doesn't think is suitable for a teenage girl. She doesn't understand that I might actually like to play guitar, and that nothing would please me more than to have a proper one. I mean, I'm buying my boyfriend one for his birthday (I've to pick it up tomorrow, we're going into town to the cinema, and I'll pick it up then for him!) but she doesn't think I'd actually want one. Thank God for HMV having a pretty open returns policy over Christmas, most if not all the cd's she'll buy me will be brought back and exchanged for ones I'd actually listen to. Can she not understand that I'd consider listening to Girls Aloud torture, it'd be worse than me making her listen to Velvet Revolver for even thirty seconds. I don't want to listen to songs that are about girls being raped and used by rappers, I don't want to listen to someone not being able to speak French. I'd much prefer to listen to someone singing about how they miss their dead family members (Helena - My Chemical Romance) or how their respective others can't understand them, but they're both willing to make it work. (Decode - Paramore)
Hopefully this Christmas wont suck as bad as previous ones, last year I was given a top that was age twelve. I was fourteen!

I hate cars

2008-12-11T20:35:00.001Z

I hate the clutch on mam's car. It decided to break today, so I had to get the bus home after study, in the dark and wet. I'm fine getting public transport usually, but not at night, it scares me. GAH!

Gah! Homework!

2008-12-10T16:09:00.001Z

Save me from the horribleness that is homework. Oh, me hate. So so much. I'm supposed to be doing homework as I write this, but I can't be bothered to. I don't care what the square root of pi is, or how many brothers Françoise has. I couldn't care any less if I didn't know that Romeo and Juliet were just people who had the bad luck to fall in love with the wrong people. These are all stuff I'm doing in school right now, and I doubt I'll need any of it when I leave school. But I must learn it all...
I think I've figured out what to buy Mr. Cíara. I'm going to get him a new guitar. He has an electric one, but wants to learn to play acoustic. So I've ordered a steel string guitar from Walton's for him. Now I just hope he likes it!

What to buy your boyfriend for his birthday?

2008-12-09T21:13:00.001Z

It's so annoying trying to buy the boyfriend something for his birthday. It's his fifteenth on Friday (I know, I'm a cradle snatcher!) and I've no idea what to get him. I was going to buy him a €50 HMV giftcard, but that plan's flown out the window after what he bought me for my birthday. We consider ourselves 'alternative' (read emo clothing, goth sense of humour) and he bought me a beautiful silver gothic cross with black beading. It's amazing, and I can't buy him something so impersonal after this. So what do I get him?
That's the question I've to answer. I'm thinking of making him a mix cd, full of panthera and G'N'R, but that seems so cheap. A trip into the city centre, to Asha Boutique is what's needed, but that involves ditching school, and that won't happen this year! (although if I'm still this stuck on Thursday morning, I may not be in on Thursday afternoon)
What else is going on in my demented life? Well, I've taken up meditation classes with Brother Richard around in my local church. He's really nice, and helps me focus a lot. It's an easy way to relax, and is fun!
Also, happy 90th anniversary of Countess Markewitz (?) being elected to the Dail. She's an inspiration to us all!
I'm still not finished! Susan's amazing blog had a challenge, to list six things you value in your life. So anyone reading this, go do that now!

Anyone else fed up of Katy French?

2008-12-07T07:53:00.001Z

Because I sure know I am. I can't understand why so much is being made of a B-list (at the very most) celebrity who decided to snort enough cocaine to kill an elephant is being revered throughout the place. When did she ever show talent for anything other than standing in front of a camera? She was a junkie. Simple as.

Happy Birthday to me

2008-12-01T10:46:00.000Z

Happy Birthday to me! I'm finally fifteen. Yay! Being 15 has changed me, hopefully for the better. I'm no longer content with not putting on makeup, or just quickly running a brush through my hair. I've no idea how long it'll last, but I hope it lasts a while!
I got a load of comments on my facebook about my birthday. It was so nice that so many people decided to do that for me. But then facebook decided to be ultimate fail, and not let me log in. Grr. It's not fun dealing with that, especially when you're not supposed to be online. Oh well. The birthday sucked though. I share a birthday with little brother, and he doesn't understand that girls don't like Star Wars. My birthday cake was a little mini cupcake from Tesco. Yup, Tesco. Oh well, next year he'll have a flower cake, and won't be able to do anything about it!

Yesterday

2008-11-27T14:41:00.001Z

Went well, suprisingly. I went in and got talking to some people, and was invited to a gig on Saturday. Still not sure if I'm going, but I might. Everyone was really nice, and we had fun. It's been decided who's going for Dail na nóg, and it's not me!
I've got school exams this week, and I'm still pretty nervous about them. My last three are tomorrow, Religion Maths and Business. Not looking forward to it, they're not my best.
I'm trying to convince my mam to take me on a day trip to London next Wednesday to see the Twilight premier, but I doubt I'll be allowed. A girl can dream though. I even said it's all I want for my birthday on Saturday, but I doubt it some how. Oh well.

I won!

2008-11-26T19:54:00.000Z

I won an iPod shuffle! I entered a competition with my youth group, didn't think that anything would come of it, lo and behold, head person told me today that I won. Very happy days!
My other piece of news, I'm about to go to my first Comhairle na nOg meeting tonight, and I'm nervous. The Comhairle is Fingal County Council's youth wing, and I was elected a few weeks ago. So now, I'm on it for a two year term. I'm nervous, but excited. It's a big thing to be elected, but I've no idea whats going to happen!

We won the double!

2008-11-23T23:56:00.000Z

We did it, we did it! Bohs got the double! It was worth all the heartfail and almost agony, the tears and the glasses almost breaking. The match was brilliant, the teams evenly matched, it went to penalties, but Mindaugas Kalonas scored the last penalty and won it for us! The little sibling was mascot, and got to shake the president's hand. I'm almost too happy to describe, but it doesn't matter! Come on the Bohs!

Ireland versus Argentina, Croke Park

2008-11-22T08:13:00.001Z

Yup, I'm going to the Ireland Argentina match today! Why? Well, for one, I'm in St. John Ambulance, so I get to go totally free of charge (always a good thing!) and I like rugby. It's not something that I'd die without (like League of Ireland, or more specifically, Bohs) but it's a fun way to pass the day. Hopefully I'll get a chance to actually watch the match, but because I'm an NCO, the chance is slim enough. Now, I gotta go and find my beret before I've to head.

Parent Teacher Meetings and fan fiction reviews.

2008-11-17T23:25:00.000Z

My school has the third year parent teacher meetings tomorrow, YAY! (not) I don't really want to go and hear all my teachers going on about how good I'm doing, and then being bored. Yes, I enjoy being told that I'm doing well academicaly, but is that all I have to offer to this world? Being clever?
I write fan fiction, and my latest story, 'It's Been 98 Years' has been getting rave reviews. I've gotten one piece of constructive criticism (concrit) and it was only on a term which is used in America, but not here. You can find my fanfiction.net profile at http://www.fanfiction.net/~Xparawhorextwerdx go and look at my stories! I think I'm up to a hundred reviews on one of them, I'm not sure!
This is going to be short enough tonight, I've to go reply to some reviews! Le mo grá,

Libraries, sandwiches and Dublin Bus

2008-11-15T22:19:00.001Z

Today I decided to go to the local library to get my homework done. Which was fine, I got a bus up and that was that. Then I went across to Dunnes and bought myself a sandwich, to eat going back over to History homework. Oh, the joys of Ireland during the Emergency! I got given out to for eating outside the library. I wasn't even in it, I was outside it!
I just took my punishment, then went back in to finish my homework. Got that done, and went back over to the shopping centre to buy a magazine, them at 5.10, I walked out to the bus stop to get the 5.25 bus. It didn't show. I was standing there for an HOUR in the cold, wearing my CTYI hoodie, jeans and a Bohs scarf. I finally got home at ten to seven. My house is twenty minutes away by bus.
I'm NOT a happy camper...

Parawhores and Twerds

2008-11-12T22:45:00.001Z

If anyone reads this regularly, they'll soon have realised that I'm infact, a Parawhore. I count myself amongst this group of die-hard Paramore fans, and would possibly do anything to see them play live, which I have. During one of my regular bouts of insomnia last summer, I was reading the paper at 2am on a May morning, when I discovered that there was more tickets availible for Paramore in Simmonscourt. I got excited, went back upstairs to pretend to sleep for a few hours until it was a reasonable time. I phoned my mam when she was in work, and she let me buy tickets. I got them and went to the concert. Not only that, but I was in the mosh pit! I got to hold Josh's hand, and got a little bit excited! Hehehe.
Where am I going with this? Well, I now have something in common with Hayley Williams, apart from being very pale, we're both proud Twerds.
What's a Twerd? I hear you ask. Well it's a person who loves the book Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer, and the other books in the Trilogy. (I refuse to accept that Breaking Dawn is real)
Right now, I'm indulging my passion for both by listening to 'Decode' which is one of the songs they've recorded for the Twilight Soundtrack. I'm eagerly awaiting the release of the film, so I'm hyper/chirpy. Not too good of a combo...

Why on earth did I sign up?

2008-11-09T23:00:00.000Z

Yup, I'm talking about NaNoWriMo. I signed up, thinking, hey, maybe I'll get to around ten thousand, and then I'll be happy. However, I'm quickly closing in on 10k, and when I make it I'll be determined to get 20, then 30. If I'm working at my current rate, I'll get to 30k, but I'd honestly love to do better. It's only my first NaNo though, so hopefully I'll do better next year when I don't have the good old JC hanging over my head. Still, I do have a half day this week and a half day next week, so maybe, just maybe, I'll do alright! :)

Twilight versus Harry Potter.

2008-11-09T18:00:00.001Z

So, as so many people know, Twilight and Harry Potter fans have a very fragile relationship, but why?
Well, one of the main reasons, is surprisingly, the actors in the films. Robert Pattinson, who was Cedric Diggory in the HP franchise, albeit for only the fourth film, is Edward Cullen in Twilight. Many HP fans see Pattinson's portrayal of Edward, who is every teenage girls dream (mine included, I'm so Team Edward!) as a betrayal of the film which first brought him fame. Many HP fans are adamant that if Rob wasn't playing Edward, the fuss would have died down long before now, but because he is, people are interested.
Another reason is the actual books themselves. Many people seem to be of the opinion that you can only like one book, whether it be Harry Potter or Twilight. I'm proud to be a fan girl of both, although I do prefer Twilight, but most teenagers I know don't like it, and I enjoy being different! It's not written anywhere that you can't be a fan of both, even four of the hosts on Mugglecast, the major Harry Potter podcast, have started up a new podcast called 'imprint' ( at http://twilightsource.com ) which deals with Twilight only. If stalwarts of the Harry Potter fandom like Andrew Simms, Matt Britton, Laura Thompson and Elysa Montfort can be comfortable enough in the fact that they enjoy both books to feature on two different podcasts, each about a different book series, why can't anyone else?
Now I'm starting to rant, but the only thing I didn't like about the Twilight Saga was book 4, but that is because it was EPIC FAIL.
In short, I am a Twilighter, but I'm also a wannabe squib. Bah! It's all too confusing, I'm now over and out!

Insomnia

2008-11-09T03:40:00.001Z

I hate it, end of! It's after three am, I can't sleep, so I'm blogging. I've been in my bed for six hours, and nothing. I'll forget that I've got NaNoWriMo to work on, or that I've got an Irish essay and a history exam question both due on monday, then I might be able to sleep! But because I'm not good at occlumency (for all you Harry Potter fans) and I'm not practised at translating 'Ulysses'(The James Joyce book) into different languages like the Cullen clan is, (Twilight Reference) I must deal with insomnia. There is something to be said for being a vampire and not having to sleep!
I just get so fed up of not being able to sleep sometimes. It's almost my birthday, and if someone asked me what I want for my birthday, I'd probably say sleeping pills right now. Grr. And I would hate to be dependant on medicine, unless it was life saving.
I'm currently on around 7000 words on NaNoWriMo, and if you want to add me as a writing buddy, my username is Xparawhorextwerdx and I'm in the Dublin region, and also Buffalo. But I'm simply in Buffalo so that I can slag off all the people from Buffalo who think that they can beat Dublin in the Word War. Dublin is however, coming second in the All Ireland Word War, with Connaught coming fourth, amazingly! But Onyva has only started working, and I am actually shaking in my boots. Although that could be from fatigue! The All Ireland leaderboard looks like this: Ulster, Dublin, Leinster, Connaught, Munster. Now I just have to write like I did today (2000 words) and I might actually win! In all honesty, I doubt I'll win, but it's fun to try anyway.
This has actually turned out rather long, so I shall say goodbye and happy blogging!